If we could start like October of last year, like, I think, like - I think there's like a lack of motivation, you know? Like, I feel like, I'm sorry. It just feels like, everything I do, I’m like for what? You know? Like, it all feels important, but to a certain extent, it doesn't. You know? You know, seeing, like, your, your family get like, just physically sick, just watching them from, from seeing, like, all of our family members, like, all our culture get wiped out. It's been rough, bro. Like, it's been kind of rough.

Couple days back, like, the IDF reached my father's village, you know? And, so that's pretty fresh. And it's stuff we see coming, you know what I mean? Like, it's, I think every Palestinian is like, in this weird state, right? Especially, living in the US, you know? There's, like, a lot of discomfort, you know, from your day to day life. There’s a lot of discomfort and there's also like, I see a lot of people just living their lives, and that's fine, you know what I mean? Like, I understand it. Like, I’m just living my life too, you know? And it, it really sucks. It's really, like, out of all of our control, you know?

So this past year has been a really weird year for me. Like, navigating my life day to day, you know? Just because I have this genocide in the back of my head, you know? Like, you know, it's consumed my father's life completely, you know? And that's, like, something that’s, it’s difficult to to see, you know? Like part of me, I feel like - I feel like, I, if I have had a bad year, my father has had even a worse one, you know? And like, I think - it’s just been a really painful year, you know?