Paula’s so functional. She was, like I say, born normal, like you and I, and had a real high fever that just destroyed part of her brain. They say it was the learning part, but she learned how to write her name. She can read her name. I just kind of wonder, had it been today instead of all those years ago in the 50s, she might have had a different outcome, you know?

It was just about learning to live, knowing that she can't do some things. And we have to accept that. She's never going to change. She has learned to be a little more functional. But, like, she'll always, she won't eat the last of anything or drink the last of anything. So you'll go to get milk and there'll be a little bit in there because she won't do the last. I don't know why, and I tell her and tell her. She's not going to change. I have to change to accept her and her habits.

My oldest sister used to say she just tried not to steal her joy. So I think about that with Paula, with everything. Because I lose my temper and I might snap. And then I feel horrible because she just is love and joy. That's all she knows. She doesn't get angry. She doesn’t sass. She, you know, she just knows love and joy. So.

It does. Especially on mornings where she doesn't come out of her room. I'm afraid to go in there and check on her. And I try to imagine her being gone and what a big hole that's going to be. But she talks about it. She'll say, we go by the cemetery on our way here. And she always says, “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad,” you know? And then she'll say, “I come to see you soon.” She talks about going to heaven, so I know she's okay with it too. It’s just going to be such a hole in our lives, you know?

And I feel like she'll go to heaven first. And I know that when I get there, they’ll all be there to hug me and I’ll get to see her. But I'm curious, will she be whole? Will she talk normally? Will she, you know what I mean? Will she still have a speech impediment or will her brain be whole and cured? I'm curious about that. And I wish there was a way I can tell you from heaven this is how it is. Because that's just a curiosity of mine.