I've always read newspapers every day. And I started reading the Austin American-Statesman when I got here, and the Goldthwaite Eagle. And for some reason, I got upset with something that some, that PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had said or done or something. And I thought, you know, I’m not going to get mad at them. I'm just going to laugh at them. And so I started the People for the Ethical Treatment of Rutabagas and Other Vegetables - PETROV. And I made up - I should have brought you the old newsletters - it was called “The Vegetable Times: Corny and Proud of It.”

And, and so I wrote an open letter to PETA  which made newspapers all over Texas and got me a job with, with, The Citizens Gazette. I made up this back story where PETROV was founded by a Russian immigrant named Petrov Kerensky when his compassionate two-year-old daughter went to bed hungry rather than harm an innocent rutabaga.

And I said, now I hear that you have not only stolen our name but you're trying to tell people to eat vegetables, as we're trying to let people know about the dignity and worth of these beautiful living creatures. Oh, I said, and then you have the gall to call yourself a vegetarian. I said, a true vegetarian, and with no sooner eat vegetables than a humanitarian would eat humans. And and just to make that point a little bit, we're going to name Jeffrey Dahmer a humanitarian here.